69 Ways to Thank an Idiot
by nordic5ever
Summary: Romano's been having the same dream for a while now, and has been told that thanking his ex-boss properly would be able to stop it. So thus the adventure of finding the perfect Thank you gift for the oblivious Spaniard begins. (Contains various pairings, smut in later chapters.)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! This is my first fanfic, so it's not brilliant but thanks for clicking on it~ **

**This fanfic was written by both me and my friend, BakaNemu. It's a humor/romance/parody sort of story, so… please do enjoy :D**

'_We're already poor enough as it is! And you keep on insisting in spending money on that useless South Italy! He can't even help clean up the place properly, why won't you just let him go already?!'_

'_Heheheh… he may be useless… but he's still my little henchman.'_

-..-..-..-..-..-..-

The morning sunlight shone through the half opened window. Romano opened his eyes hesitantly, and sat up on his soft king sized bed that he shared with his annoying little brother. He rubbed his temples, remembering the dream he had. _Fuck, not again. _The same dream had been haunting the Italian for a whole week now. He knew clearly that what happened in his dream was just a distant memory, but he did not want to be reminded of those embarrassing times, and simply wanted to forget about the whole incident. He was young back then, and completely useless… but he was stronger now; well, at least he hoped he was. _But it won't fucking leave me alone. _With a sigh, Romano began heading towards the bathroom, before realising that the other side of the bed was empty. He prayed that his idiotic brother was alright… and hoped that the potato bastard, Germany, hadn't raped him or something. Cursing to himself as he knocked down several items before entering the shower, he began to get ready for the busy day ahead of him.

'Well, what is it you want then? You're wasting my precious time here.' The Brit sitting across from Romano raised one of his caterpillar eyebrows up. Romano gulped. _And no, he wasn't fucking scared of him dammit. _He lifted his shaky tea cup to his lips, before taking a sip. England coughed awkwardly, reminding the Italian that he was still here and waiting for him to bloody tell him why he came here so suddenly.

'So…' England was starting to get impatient.

'Ok ok, you damn impatient bastard. Won't even let me enjoy my fucking tea.' Romano mumbled into the tea cup, getting slightly irritated at the English jerk.

England rolled his eyes, before letting the flustered Italian continue.

'I… I've been having the same recurring dream lately' Romano explained, slightly embarrassed that he had to tell someone about this.

'Erm… okay then… So what's the dream about?' England asked, confused as to why Romano was confining this to him.

'W-Well… dammit. It's about when I was still living with that tomato jackass, Spain. His boss was scolding him as he was s-spending money on me, even though he didn't have much. Dio mio… this is fucking embarrassing. Just… Just stop the dreams already goddammit!' Romano's face was red as beetroot now, as he gave an exhausted sigh.

England wanted to laugh at this rather odd confession, but as a gentleman he managed to suppress it. 'And… you think I can help you stop it?' He asked, with a smirk.

'Well… you're the one with the creepy magic and crap! I'm sure you can cast some sort of weirdass spell to stop the fucking dreams, right?' Romano was silently pleading the Brit to say yes.

'Actually, no.' Romano's face fell, _and no, he was not about to cry. He was a manly guy. Manly guys don't cry pussy tears like his stupid wuss of a brother._

'But… after hearing your erm… rather interesting dream, I think I know how to get rid of it.' England finished his sentence, taking another sip of his tea. _Damn, it was good._

Romano lightened up immediately, upon hearing those words. 'How? You should've said sooner, eyebrows.'

England tried to not look offended by the comment, and daintily placed his tea back onto the table.

'Well, I think it's an omen. Spain was helping you even back then, right? He was in pretty bad shape too…'

'Yeah, yeah, just get on with it already.'

'Romano, did you ever thank him at all for all the things he's done for you?'

'T-Thank him?' Romano blinked, what the hell is this bat crazy guy talking about? _Of course he had thanked him… right?_ _ If he remembers correctly… he went to Spain's room that day, stole his bed, mumbled a thanks and then headbutted the Spaniard. See? He did thank him._

England sighed. This guy was stupider than he thought he was. 'Thank Spain properly. Your guilty conscious is acting up, that explains the dreams. You need to repay Spain for all the things he's done for you.'

'T-The hell?! Is that it? Pfft, I can do that you stupid bastard…' Romano stood up, heading for the door. _How the hell did he not think of that? Goddammit, now he looks like an idiot. _'And don't even think I'll thank you, eyebrows!' With that, Romano walked out the door, slammed it shut and began his journey home.

...

…

…

_How the fuck was he meant to thank Spain?!_

_How can he repay him?!_

_Whatever it's going to be… it's got to be fucking brilliant. _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Romano sighed after he finished explaining his situation to his audience. All eyes around the room were on him. Romano wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, before looking back up at the intimidating countries. _Damn, how he hated the attention. Why was he even doing this again? _

'Vee~ Fratello' a familiar whiny voice cut off Romano's thoughts as his attention turned back to the crowded conference room in front of him.

He blinked a few times, hearing America give an awkward cough as England dug his elbow into his ribs, telling him to shut the hell up.

'So, what you're saying is that you want to give a thank you present to big brother Spain?~' Italy grabbed onto Romano, his face way too close for comfort.

'Goddammit Veneciano!' he pushed his brothers face away, 'Give me some fucking space to breathe! And yes, I need you bastards to help me to think of one… n-not that I can't think of anything of course, just t-that I value your opinions… Yeah t-that's it!' Romano stuttered slightly, trying to form the right words.

Italy grinned his dim little smile before exclaiming, 'PASSSTTAAAAA~'

'Oh for god sake Veneciano, I'm not giving Spain fucking pasta!' The whole room watched as the younger Italian cried out pasta over and over again, chanting and singing the word whilst the older one hit him with a magazine that he had found on the table.

'Both of you, cut it out!' Germany rubbed his temples, trying to clear out his headache. 'Everyone speak one at a time, and let's just think of a present already! We'll start with you France, seeing as you're a good friend of Spain.'

Romano put down the magazine, frowning as Italy was crying in pain beside him. _No, he did not feel guilty for hitting his annoying brother on the head multiple times. Though he might cook him pasta later on… but not because he feels guilty, just because he feels like it… dammit._

'Ah, mon cher~ I'm so glad you called us out to this meeting' France winked at Romano, before continuing on.

'Hmm, a thank you gift for Spain? Well… nothing better than a little… _l'amour~' _France wiggled his eyebrows, giving the now blushing Italian a smirk.

'T-The hell, you pervert! W-What's that meant to mean?!' Romano looked away from the Frenchman, who was now laughing and choking on his red wine, rather ungracefully. _Serves him right, I hope he fucking chokes to death._ Romano snickered as he imagined the red wine on France's shirt was his blood instead.

'You know what I mean' France lifted his wine up to his lips again, having recovered taking a sip of the drink. 'Give the Spaniard some love… It's the best gift a person can receive after all!'

Romano was interested now. Best gift? Well… he was trying to think of the _best _thank you gift for the Spanish idiot…and if it means getting rid of those ridiculous dreams…

'H-How?' Romano was blushing furiously now, as he looked down at the floor, like it was the most interesting thing ever.

With a satisfied grin, France replied with 'Mon ami, please, let me show you. I cannot simply describe such a beautiful thing like _l'amour _with words… such must be done with _actions,_ non?'

'D-Dammit… do w-whatever you want!' Romano glared at the French bastard, his face still slightly red.

'Very well then~ Why don't you come around to my place tomorrow then… let me show you a gift Spain will never forget.' Romano nodded in agreement, and stood up wanting to leave the place already. He damn hoped that France's idea was good, otherwise all this was a fucking waste of his time. The other countries all followed Romano out, muttering and complaining about the useless meeting they just attended.

Romano was exhausted once he was in bed. After cooking a large amount of pasta for his brother, and a torturous phone call from the Frenchman to decide on times for their appointment tomorrow, all his energy had been drained out of his body. The Italian was about drift off into a peaceful sleep before the mobile next to him beeped.

'Oh for fucks sake, France' Romano mumbled, as he turned to grab his phone, lighting up the screen. The word 'Spain' caught his attention immediately, and for a second he worried that one of the countries had told Spain of his plans. He quickly swiped his finger across the screen, before the text message appeared on the brightly lit display.

'Ah Romano~ I haven't heard from you in a while. How's my little tomato doing? Come visit me sometime, ok?'

Romano's face turned red, as his heart thumped against his chest. _What the hell?! 'little tomato?' He's not little! Fucking Spaniard… _

'Bastard, I was asleep! You woke me up dammit. Don't call me 'little' jerk. And can't visit, busy.'

Romano quickly typed up a reply, feeling slightly guilty that he couldn't visit him. He tried to keep his eyes opened, as he looked out the window, seeing the moonlight shine through his light coloured curtains. _He was most definitely not waiting for a reply from the Spaniard dam- _Just then, his phone beeped and he unlocked it with anticipation, before opening up the message.

'lo siento, Romano! I didn't mean to wake you up~ Of course, you're all grown up now….:D Makes boss very happy. You can't visit Boss? That's a shame… Goodnight Romano!'

Romano had to suppress a smile from surfacing, as he read the message over several times, stroking across the screen lightly. He still felt slightly guilty, but after the message, he suddenly felt _excited _about getting the idiota a thank you gift. _He _wanted to give the Spaniard something for once.

After reading the message once more, Romano fell into a deep sleep, dreading the next day with the perverted Frenchman….


End file.
